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Post by Flanna Kelly-MacDowell on Mar 23, 2013 19:39:52 GMT -5
Flanna had awoken early this morn, leaving Kili to sleep in their bed and Talar to sleep in his crib, which was at the foot of the bed so that he could be easily reached if his parents heard him stir in the night. Which, surprisingly, had not happened often. For such a young child in the care of two new parents, Talar was unbelievably calm and cool, waking never more than twice a night and only for want of food. During the day, the child was generally happy, though he found his moments to whine and whimper, especially when Croi was a bit too rough with him. But Kili always said it was good for him. 'Building character. Making him strong.'
Flanna had to laugh at the thought. She had much recovered from her traumatizing ordeal of birthing, which though she'd very much hated it, she would not hesitate to do again should Kili want another child, ever. She'd promised him that. And he'd lately been terribly gentle with her, treating Flanna as though she might have been a piece of glass. He did not lay with her, did not do anything with or to her that might bring harm to her fragile body. But now, it'd been two weeks, and she was certain that she was just fine. Her stomach had now receded to its normal bounds, and she was startlingly not much different than she'd been before her pregnancy. As she moved to her workroom, Flanna smiled. The sun was not up yet, the morning was so early. But she rose normally this time or just a bit later, so it was no great feat. And she usually let Kili sleep. He would not be awake for another hour or more, if the past was anything to go by.
Carring her taper, its flame strong enough to illuminate the hallways, Flanna made her way into the room where all of her wonderful writing supplies were stocked, her workspace, her haven. She'd not been in here in several months, and the room was a bit dusty. Sitting and placing the candle on the desk, Flanna took a sheet of parchment from its drawer and donned a quill and inkwell. She stared at the paper as it spread before her, wondering what it should be this time. But what she came up with was not poetry, as usually she wrote. Instead, it was a short letter to her newborn.
My dearest Talar,
Your coming into my world has changed my life, has changed everything I know. Were it not for the love and devotion of your father, I would have never known the good things of life, and never gotten the chance to see your arrival into my trivial life. Talar, I do not know when you should get the chance to read this. But be it after I pass from this life or when some day dawns that I choose to entrust you with it, there are three things I want you to know as you choose your paths. Firstly, that life is a curse. It will torment you endlessly, pull you down to the lowest Hell it can find, and bring you to your knees. Secondly, that life is a blessing. It will heal your scars, uncover your muddied face, and bring you the most beautiful things you will ever discover. And thirdly, and most importantly, know that life is not complete until you have found she which you love, which you know you could surrender your entire existence for without a thought, which your heart beats solely for and your soul cries out to adore. This will be always my greatest triumph, and may I hope that it will too be yours. All my love I send to you in writing this. You are but young at this time, and I hope that this letter will see you a wonderful man.
When she'd finished, Flanna was surprised to hear footsteps outside the door. It was still early; she'd not prepared breakfast yet. As she turned, she accidentally tipped over her candle and the flame fell to the wooden floor. With a scream, she saw the light as it grew. "Water, Kili, Water!"
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Post by Kili on Mar 24, 2013 2:48:10 GMT -5
Kili had awoken alone... not that it was rare, Flanna was an early riser and Kili was a night owl, preferring to stay up until the wee hours of morn, especially in the right company. He lived in a cave, in the mountains, the sunlight rarely reaching him even on the brightest of days, it was natural, within his blood to detest the heavy and hot rays, but unfortuneatly such was when the rest of the world operated and he had been forced to adjust... much to his displeasure. he slept late, but not late enough to be late for job opportunities. He grumbled as the sun poured through the curtains lighting his face in a single, devestating streak of light. Damn thing. With a grunt of annoyance he dropped from the bed, throwing on various articles of clothing as he went. he left the bedroom, deciding to leave Flanna to her writing after hearing her pen scribbling furiously, no doubt the woman had regained her muse and most of which she had been writing was about their son.
Speaking of which... he stepped into the kitchen and watched bemused. The infant lay against Croi who was sleeping soundly coiled around the babe... his son would be soft, there was no denying that Flanna would shower him with every fragmented piece of love she could muster. Kili would just have to teach him how to defend and fight for himself and pray to the Gods that the kid would use the skills if he needed too. Hopefully it would never come to such extremes, but he would make sure the lad would be far from helpless... speaking of which, he needed to write Thorin. He deserved to meet the new member of his family. He would see too it today...after coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.
He wasn't sure how long he rested, zoning without a sound, he stared at a blank space in the wall, his mind wandering to so many things. he had been a parent for a scarce few days and still the idea blew him away. He was well known for his rugged looks and charm. he was known throughout Middle Earth as the charmer, the dwarf able to capture the heart of any fair maid. Out of their company he had been the last they had thought would settle down. In fact, more oft than not they were made against him, betting on his inability to stop being so restless. How ironic that he would not only prove them all wrong, but he would be the first. He was a father now. Another life hung on his shoulders, demanded his attention. He was now truly needed.
A shout of his name, startled all three of them, Kili, Croi, and the baby. Talar began to wail, but Kili needed first to attend to his wife, that shout was one of anxiety and he obeyed the command without question, his heart cracking with each of Talor's cries. he filled a pot with water, scooped up Talar as he ran and handed off the pot to his wife, she would know what could be damaged and what could not. Kili set about to soothing his son. Rocking him and murmuring soft words. He could hold the child forever, he knew that, he was quite simply, perfect. "Are you alright my lady?" The old pet name falling with ease from his mouth.
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Post by Flanna Kelly-MacDowell on Mar 24, 2013 21:09:42 GMT -5
The morning had been quiet, an all-overcoming peace that settled deep in Flanna's soul. It was an unusual thing now that she'd birthed a child. Talar, though she supposed he was probably very good for such a newborn child, wailed loudly when he cried, and sometimes it gave her slight headaches and kept her awake in anxiety that he might do it again. No, he rarely cried at night, and slept well, but she always worried. Always wanted to be at his bedside just in case something happened to him; she understood that this was a common motherly instinct and something she was lucky to possess so much of, but it was also a troubling thing. Her son was so important. What if something happened to him?
She'd gone into her workshop trying to fulfill promises she'd made often to her son, to write him something that would be worth his time whenever he chanced to read it. One day. She had vowed to herself and to Kili that Talar would have the best life a child could have, that he would not know the suffering that had made them both. He would be built up in love, not pain. There was a way. And she poured it all into the short letter she penned to her beloved son.
When the candle fell, Flanna reacted quickly. She was scared. In this house made of so much wood, one candle could wreak havoc on the life that they'd been building. She thought immediately of her two boys, and yelled for Kili as soon as she'd grasped what was going on. He came at her command, footsteps running down the hallways, sleeping though he may have been, and brought her water as quickly as he was able. It was with haste that she threw it upon the candle and the spreading flame, trying desperately to put out the fire before it meant something more than just a burn in the floor. And it was gone, thankfully. There was danger no more. With deep breaths of former fear and relief mingling, she turned to Kili. "Thank you. Thank you so much." She was exhausted by fear.
She smiled, though, as she leaned over and picked up the soaked candle, placing it on the desk away from the paper, which she folded and put in a drawer. Her son was in Kili's arms, and they were all safe. "I'm so sorry. I did not mean to wake you all, to start such a din. Forgive me." She leaned her head on Kili's shoulder in apology. She wasn't going to ask for her son right now; she did not trust herself to be safe right now. As she looked at Kili, then at her son, she thought, though, of how beautiful the man was, and how perfect the baby. Yes. She'd want more.
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Post by Kili on Mar 25, 2013 14:51:15 GMT -5
Kili was not in the habit of being active or awake in the wee hours of the morn. Dwarves were notorious as still dragging their knuckles until noon or even later... of course Thorin was the exception to such things, but the vast majority of them grumbled and groaned until well into the afternoon. It was simple fact. That is, not to say that if a problem or an attack occurred that every last one of them wouldn't be upon the scene clad in armor and weapons within seconds, but when everything was peaceful and serene, they needed no hurry and they lazed quite...well lazily. Talar was an ideal baby, he did not wail or cry often but when he bellowed it could shatter glass. It was an ear splitting sound that cracked Kili's heart to know that his son was in distress, it made him sick to his stomach, if Flanna wasn't already on her feet and moving, Kili was.
The young child was growing quickly, but he supposed that was fairly normal, he wondered how short he would be, no doubt not getting the best in that department between the two of them. Kili was quite tall for a dwarf but compared to a human... he was laughable. That would take some getting used to and probably a few fist fights to prove his worth. Kili was eager to teach him how to defend himself. The first nose he shattered would have Kili roaring with laughter and pride... and then probably cringing as Flanna came down upon them. She would not approve of such violence. Talar would just have to learn how to shelter things from his mom.
Flanna's desperate calls sent Kili instinctively flying throughout the house, his son and her desperate request being the only things upon his mind, cradling one in his right arm and the pail in the left he reached her immediately, watching as she put out the small fire that had charred the floorboards. An hour's work and he would have it fixed, it was no problem. She thanked him softly, seemingly relieved now that the potential threat had been eliminated and he frowned slightly, coiling his free arm around her shoulders and tugging her into his side, resting her head against his shoulders, as he trailed his fingers up and down her arm in an attempt to soothe her. Talar had ceased his cries. "No need to thank me my Flanna. You are my wife, it kind of comes with the description." He chuckled lightly, squeezing her with zeal.
"Stop apologizing beloved, you didn't intentionally do it, Ill fix the floorboards this afternoon, no need to be upset." He paused here, hesitating a moment before speaking once more. "Does something else aide you my heart? You do not usually get so upset over something so mild." [/b] Did she think he would be angry with her? Over something so silly? Never. Talar, seeming to agree, extended his hands and tangled his thick fingers in her hair, giggling animatedly as he did so, Kili chuckled at his sons antics, it seemed he wanted to make sure mama was ok as much as he himself.
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Post by Flanna Kelly-MacDowell on Mar 25, 2013 17:27:25 GMT -5
Flanna was aghast that she could have been so careless, to do such a thing. Normally she was a very cautious, wary person, who never made a mess or took any sort of chance. Yes, Kili had changed that, but that was on a deeper, more emotional level. This had been pure carelessness, and it looked bad, she knew. Or, at least, to her. She hated to do anything imperfect. She had to live up now not only to the standards set by her far-better-than-normal husband, but to the perfection they both found in the infant. And, to be honest, she was feeling a little unworthy. She felt inferior to the both of them, she felt like she did not deserve to inhabit this same house.
A spell had come over her since last night. Perhaps it'd been dreams of Carson and Brian and Darren, but she was once more haunted by her past and the candle had simply done her in. She was in a certainly fragile state right now, in the early hours of the morning, when time was not a friend of hers. And Kili, of course, sensed that. It seemed that Talar did, too.
She sighed. Flanna could not do a thing right, it felt like. Yes, she knew it was what he was supposed to do, but so many husbands did not do any of the duties they were bound by God to do. It was normal. And he exceeded that. Again... unworthy. She looked at him with dulled, lifeless eyes. "And I love you for it. You're too good to me, you are." But her words were laced with a little hint of sadness. Moody though she was right now, Flanna needed her husband. She could never hate him. Her jealously of him would never surpass her love. She hoped he knew that, if he could read her face right now.
He squeezed her to him, and she heaved a breath. Talar reached out to her and she took him gently, letting him do what he would to her hair. For a baby, he was so big! She sighed again. "Kili.... come talk with me. Let me put Talar back to sleep. Then talk with me. Please." She needed him right now. She missed him. These new motherly duties were taking their toll on her, mind and body, and she still had not proved enough to Kili that she was strong enough to resume her normal activities.
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Post by Kili on Mar 25, 2013 18:18:21 GMT -5
Kili cradled Flanna against his side, he was still devoid of armor and thick clothing so she would be able to feel his warmth with ease, something that always seemed to calm her. He knew something was off with her, he couldn't say what but something most assuredly was wrong. He stroked her arm, soothing her to the best of his ability while Talar twirled her hair around his fingers, giggling playfully as he did so, seemingly in his own attempt to soothe his mama. They stayed like that for quite some time but Kili did not mind, he let her siphon his strength drawing it into herself. He knew, eventually she would tell him, she had told him of all the darkness in her past and he had returned her secrets with his own. he hated not being able to help her, but he understood that she needed a moment to collect her thoughts. She spoke finally and he chuckled, the sound catching in his throat and vibrating in his chest.
"I am not dear Flanna, this is how someone you love is supposed to be treating, nothing more, and love you, I do." He murmured back to her, the words tangling in the fine strands of her hair. She spoke again, her tones heady and lifeless as she pulled Talar from his arms, to place him back to bed, more than likely with Croi. He cocked his head to the side mildly confused by her actions. It was rare she was moody, he understood with the pregnancy but why now? He had yet to leave again with Thorin, she owned a beautiful house, he was good to her, or as good as he could be and Talar was perfect... what was she upset for?
He placed a kiss upon the crown of her head, squeezing one last time for reassurance and releasing her all together, stepping outside of her room so she might slide past him. "I will wait for you in the kitchen Flanna. We can speak all you want there." He watched her take the babe to his room, Croi trotting along behind like the boys protector... well at least he protected something. With a soft sigh and a feeling of unease settling in his gut he stalked to the kitchen, dropping his body into one of the heavy chairs and letting off a soft sigh. He watched Flanna reappear and drew a deep breath, he had a feeling he was in trouble.
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Post by Flanna Kelly-MacDowell on Mar 25, 2013 18:36:49 GMT -5
Flanna did not wish to ever slip back into the same sort of depression that had once constituted her whole life. She had managed to keep it away when Carson had died, even, and it was amazing to think that, the way she felt right now. The shadows, they were back. The voices. The darkness. And to think that one candle had snapped her was a scary thing. Was she really that fragile now? Had this marriage, this pregnancy, this constant comfort, made her take everything for granted? She knew better than to do that, with her father and her lineage. There were more things to do in the world than sulk into depression, but once one was in its dark grip, it was Hell to get out. Kili had gotten her out before. Hopefully he could stop it before it tried to dull all of her senses again, before she became desperate for one drink of brandy or gin or whiskey. Anything to quell the queer feeling... No.
She turned to Kili to erase her awful thoughts. He knew. He had to know. And she felt so little in his presence... he was such a good man. No amount of war in his past could mean anything more than all the love he showered upon her, more than she needed or deserved. "No..." she trailed off back on her own train of thought. She really just needed to talk to him. She'd been alright this morning, even if the letter for Talar had drained her. Why had this spell come on so quickly? She left without another word and returned her child to his crib, letting Croi join him in companionship. When she was content to know that he was asleep, she walked noiselessly to the kitchen where Kili was waiting.
His face was worried. Probably with good reason. She didn't even know what was wrong. Well, she did. But she didn't understand why this had returned to her, when it looked like she had the perfect life. She sat right beside him, not wanting to be separated from the warmth he radiated. It was the most comforting thing she had. Holding on was all she could do right now. "Kili... I'm... not right today. It's back. The dark. The voices. The screams. The taunts of my mother and the death of my brother. The falseness of my father. All of it. I need no brandy, I know, but I crave it. You've fixed me before. Please help me." She looked up at him, fighting back her emotions. She missed him a lot. She never had time at night to fill his bed with love anymore. And this was something she had to do. To talk to him.
If depression got another hold on her, she didn't know if her fragile spirit could escape again. He would know what to do. He always knew what to do.
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