John Egbert

John, while playing the game SBURB, has ascended to the level of Godtier, which is the strongest level a player can obtain, but only by dying on their own Quest Bed. Godtier graciously increases the player's abilities, allowing them to unlock their hidden potential. A natural effect of all Godtiers is it's 'partial immortality' - John can only be killed if he dies in a 'Just' or 'Heroic' way. Otherwise, he will be revived shortly after 'dying'. John can also fly using his godtier powers, but it may be due to his windy-abilities instead.

John is also the 'Heir of Breath', which allows him the literal power to control the wind. By 'Doing the Windy Thing', he's created a planetary gale the put out all of the fires ignited on his planet, although this will be greatly handicapped for the sake of RP. He also has shown the ability to turn into wind when he's attacked, as well as amplify the power of his hammers with wind.

He also is equiped with a 'Fetch Modus', which is a card-based inventory system. Most of them are incredibly complicated and hard to use, but he has gotten his hands on his Father's WALLET MODUS, which is arguably the easiest to use since he can take any items he wants with them (including a full-sized car) and call upon them whenever he'd like. There doesn't seem to be a maximum number of cards he can use at a time with the Modus, but normally doesn't captchalogue (the act of putting things in his modus) a lot of things. He does, though, have an assortment of items already in the modus, none of which have any sort of relevance aside from his Cosbytop Headphones, most of which just being Dad-related things such as the 1 METRIC TONNE OF SHAVING CREAM.

The Fetch Modus also grants him a 'Strife Deck', or a weapons compartment. John's current proficiency is with the HAMMERKIND Abstratus, but that will be fleshed out below.

Normally, John wears his Godtier Outfit. He doesn't have to wear it, but prefers to. It's a simple, light-blue tee-shirt with darker blue pants and yellow shoes, topped off with a hood that trails out exaggeratedly from his head. On the front of the shirt is a bright symbol of his 'Breath' aspect.

• Bad Movies
  
• Nic Cage
  
• Video Games
  
• Magic Tricks
  
• Tomfoolery and Shenanigans
  
• The piano (can play)
  
• Computer Programming (Sucks at it)
  

• Betty Crocker (And, by extension, Fruit Gushers)
  
• Baked Goods
  
• Interactions with his father
  
• Being bossed around (although he follows commands very easily)
  
• Peanuts (allergic)
  
• Harlequins
  

• Very loyal and caring friend
  
• Very happy, go-lucky person
  
• Pretty powerful, with the use of his wind-powers
  
• Inventive and thoughtful...but not exactly smart
  
• Heroic
  

• Idiotic, not exactly the sharpest sword in the armory
  
• Likes making jokes, but tends not to make good ones
  
• Stubborn
  
• Can have a short temper
  

For literal quirks, when it comes to talking/typing, John doesn't capitalize any letters except when trying to EMPHASIZE or say something SARCASTIC. Although, otherwise, he has perfect punctuation and grammar. When typing, he does use some chatspeak, such as 'JK', 'btw', and 'w/e'. Otherwise, he is left-handed, and picked up Vriska's habit of eeeeeeeexagerating his speech occasionally.

John is an oddball, dorky person. He comes off as a bit of a nerd (which he is) and can be pretty awkward to talk to. He opens up mostly to his close friends but even then his dry humor and quirky hijinks tend to make situations weird. John can be serious at times but these times are very rare, as he is a simpleton and has done some pretty stupid things during his time playing the game. That said, he normally comes to very odd conclusions and makes pretty stupid ideas, although they are very rarely carried out.

John has a number of interests, ranging from horrible movies to magic tricks, although he's stopped doing the latter when he played the game (but is still interested in them). He cares a lot about his friends, even buying them presents for their birthdays even though he never saw them in person prior to the game. He is goodnatured and upbeat, although sometimes a little too happy, and is pretty easy to lead around, even thought he doesn't like being bossed around. His friends consider him to be the leader of the group, although he doesn't see himself as their leader.

A big movie buff, John practically worships Nicolas Cage and the movies he's been in, particularly Con Air, and even has the bunny from the movie that needs to be put back in the box. PUT THE BUNNY. BACK IN. THE BOX.

John wasn't born. Instead, he was paradox cloned - he was created by himself in a Ectobiology lab, where he also created his friends, using paradox slime and the genetics of his grandmother and Jade's grandfather. The resulting babies were placed on a meteor, sent back through time, crashed into Earth, and then were adopted by their guardians.

John is currently wielding the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS, which is a Strife Specibus weapon type that pretty much covers ALL HAMMERS. While he isn't an experienced fighter, he doesn't exactly have to be - any hammer he picks up is instantly added to his Specibus as a weapon for him to use, and due to his high in-game level, even a small hammer would be considered very powerful in his possession. But, John does have a few hammers of important note:

.:THE POGOHAMMER:.

The Pogohammer was John's first creation in the game, although it isn't very powerful compared to the other hammers and rarely uses it anymore. It gains increased damage if it's bounced back - and - forth, but is rather uncontrolled and would bounce John all over the place along with whatever it hit.

.:THE WRINKLEFUCKER:.

A more powerful, more controlled form of The Pogohammer, it doesn't bounce John around, but John began to notice how weak it really was when it started to have no effect on the more powerful foes. So, it, like The Pogohammer, is rarely used.

.:FEAR NO ANVIL:.

A present from Dave, who stole it from Hephaestus through "shenanigans", Fear No Anvil is an anagram of "LAVA INFERNO", and it is colored in a fiery pallet (although it has no fiery effects). It does, however, have some time-based effects, temporarily stunning enemies by stopping them in time for a short while, an obvious reference to Dave's own time powers. It's name also comes from the statement "Fear No Evil", which is certainly correct, since it easily dispatched nearly all enemies John encountered so he literally had nothing to fear when fighting powerful foes. The hammer is most likely Hephaestus' blacksmithing hammer.

.:THE WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO:.

The Warhammer of Zillyhoo is a legendary, powerful hammer that John obtained through a series of Shenanigans. It doesn't seem to have any powers aside from being generally very strong, and was John's first choice of hammer before making the Pop-O-Mattic Vrillyhoo Hammer.

.:THE POP-O-MATTIC VRILLYHOO HAMMER:.

This is John's most powerful hammer, capable of defeating the strongest in-game enemy he's faced in one clear shot, and badly damaging Bec Noir. It was most likely created by combining the Warhammer of Zillyhoo, the strong hammer, with Vriska's Flourite Octet, the strongest set of dice in the DICEKIND specibus. Each time the hammer hits something, the dice at the opposite end of the hammer roll, and a special effect happens depending on what is rolled. Outcomes will be randomized, and not all of the outcomes have been revealed, but they include: Pony Stampede, T-Rex, Elf, Prank, Reroll, McConaughny, Naptime, and Ridiculous Hat. These effects are normally just joking after-effects, but the Hammer's actual strength is no joke.

*SPOILER WARNING: This history contains MANY SPOILERS ON HOMSTUCK, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!*

John was created in an Ectobiology lab, by himself, through Paradox Cloning, and sent back in time on a meteor that crashed into Earth and killed his grandmother. Since then, his Father took him in and raised him, teaching him how to be a proper man and apparently how to play the piano. He also has had the chance to make three online friends - Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, and Jade Harley, and became very close to them. He preordered the SBURB BETA videogame, which arrived on his thirteenth birthday, and began playing with Rose as his Server Player. He really didn't (and probably still doesn't) have a firm grasp on the concepts of the game, but seemed to have remarkable skill with combining and alchemizing.

Narrowly escaping being destroyed by the meteor that was crashing towards his home, he was able to transport himself into The Medium before being blown up. He prototyped his Nanna's remains with his kernelsprite to create the Nannasprite, who was his guide through the game. Now that he was in his world, the Land of Wind and Shade, he and Rose began building his house up towards the first of the seven gates above his home to continue the game. During this time, his father gets kidnapped, worrying him. The Wayward Vagabond, from the future, begins speaking into his head through the use of ALLCAPS until he discovers where the capslock is and starts using 'manners'.

John listened and followed the commands of the Wayward Vagabond but only if he asked nicely, and only if his commands weren't nonsensical. His house was now swarming with Shale Imps, SBURB's basic enemies, and John was tasked with clearing them out while Rose built up his house. Rose notes that John's posters are all desecrated, and although John claims that the Imps did it, apparently he did it himself a little while before. He cleaned off a poster and combined it a few times to create a Bill Cosby Poster, and then combined it with his laptop to create the COSBYTOP. Eventually, after building up his house, he reaches the first gate with transports him to the surface of the Land of Wind and Shade, which was a dark, over-clouded planet that was decorated with neon mushrooms.

After a bit of exploring, he is contacted by two trolls, carcinoGeneticist(Karkat Vantas) and gallowsCalibrator(Terezi Pyrope). As a joke, GC tricked John into battling his Denizen before he had any shred of hope to defeat it, leading to an alternate timeline where John died. Dave, in this dead timeline, goes back and stops John from entering the Denizen's gate, and then prototyping himself to create Davesprite, and gifting John with thecode to create the Fear No Anvil. Even though GC got him killed in an alternate timeline, he decides to listen to her once again and use his rocket pack to enter the second gate, entering into Rose's House. She was asleep at the time, so John took his birthday present from her, another bunny similar to the one Dave gifted him earlier, which was the same stuffed rabbit from Con Air. Deciding not to wait for Rose to wake up, John went off to explore her world, The Land of Light and Rain, and discovered a Transportalizer that brought him to The Veil, a dark ring of meteors encircling The Battlefield of Skaia.

Here, he creates Himself, Rose, Dave, Jane, Jane's Grandpa, Nanna, Dave's Bro, and Rose's Mom, sending them all back in time to start their lives. carcinoGeneticist helped him through the Ectobiology, explaining what it was and what its purpose is. Like Jade, John had a Dream Self on Prospit, although he was mostly asleep seeing as John never truly slept, aside from times when his Dream Self was sleepwalking. But, when Jack Noir began The Reckoning and knocked the moon out of orbit, crashing down right into The Battlefield, even though Jade tried her best to wake John up, she ended up giving her Dream-Life to save John, who didn't wake up unto he was on The Battlefield. He found Jade's dead Dream Self, and discovered the White Queen's ring she had, taking it with him.

John, asleep back on The Meteor, was saved by an Authority Regulator from Derse. On The Battlefield, he obtained his birthday present from Jade, which was also a bunny. But, this bunny was enhanced with cybernetic upgrades. He was confronted by Jack Noir, who then fled when the bunny started helping John. He then continued to wander the battlefield, and spotted his Dad and Rose's Mom - although before he could approach them, he was awoken by Vriska and disappeared, losing the Queen's ring.

Vriska and John become great friends, as Vriska began leading John down the path to do what he was going to do anyway. After retrieving his server copy of the game, he returned to his house and connected to Jade as her server player. But, before he could prototype her Kernel Sprite with something harmless, Vriska put him to sleep. He awoke on The Battlefield during its Fourth Transformation, encountering the Wayward Vagabond who had the Queen's ring. He then woke up, and learned of what happened while he was asleep. However, he was in great danger, as the now god-like Jack Noir, called 'Bec Noir', was beginning to destroy his planet with green fire.

John was able to save the planet by DOING THE WINDY THING, summoning a planet-wide gale of wind that silenced all of the green flames, and brought John to the highest level of his Echeladder. He then traveled to a Salamander Village, and discovered his quest bed, which Vriska told him to sleep on. While he was sleeping, Bec Noir appeared and killed him, leaving shortly after. Because of the requirements being met, John awoke as his Dream Self, ascended to God Tier, and gained the Heir of Breath outfit as well as substantial power. Noting his powers over wind, Vriska said he would surpass her, becoming the strongest of the sixteen players - but she wasn't aware that others would eventually gain God Tier as well.

He pairs up with the Wayward Vagabond and bores into the core of the planet, retrieving The Tumor and placing it in his dad's wallet. He then ran into Liv Tyler, the cybernetic bunny, who gave him a letter from Jade's Penpal. Liv then hugified a very tiny Warhammer of Zillyhoo, gifting the hammer to John. Rather idiotically, he gave his wallet to the Wayward Vagabond to drop The Tumor off on Derse - but failed to remember that it contained his Crosbytop. Noticing Grimdarkness, John was attracted towards a Grimdark Rose, who descending upon a castle, trying to tell John what was going on but failing to as she spoke in Eldrich Tongue. They made their way to the top of the castle, but found the dead bodies of their parents, and Bec Noir. They began to fight him, but as soon as the battle started Bec Noir stabbed John, who died in pretty much the most cowardly death ever. Since his death was neither Just nor Heroic, John came back shortly after Bec Noir left, finding Rose's dead body. Guided by Vriska, he kissed Roses' dead body, awakening her Dream Self on Derse.

Then, guided by Karkat, John entered Dave's land, The Land of Heat and Clock. During this time, Karkat trolls John for the first time from his perspective. John then defended the Beat Mesa from attack during the scratch until Jade transported him, having obtained God Tier herself. He accompanied Jade as she prepared the both of them for the journey through the Fourth Wall and into the new session. Hussie decided to level up John's God Tier, due to time constraints that not even his all-powerful avatar could fulfill.

To pass the time during the first year of the three-year journey, John, Jade, and the other inhabitants of Prospitian Ship played all of the games John could think of, eventually settling on the Ghostbusters MMORPG. He and Jade talked about her relationship with Davesprite, she deflecting his questions by asking about his own feelings. But, he reveals that he couldn't care less about relationships and just wanted to finish the quest.

In an attempt to restraint Jade's dog instincts, John grabs onto her as she chases Jaspersprite around - until they phase through a wall, knocking John out as he hits the wall full-force. He awakens in a void, the same void that Roxy's Dream Self is wandering in, and she steps on his face. He is then confronted by Meenah, who throws her 2X3KIND at her, but he pushes her out of the way. The Meteor intersects with the voice and Dave and Karkat try to tell John to move, but he doesn't, and it stabbed - waking him back up as he vanishes from the void.

During Year Two, John is beginning to get bored shitless, sitting on the boat with nothing to do. He and Jade have many arguments, he even says he actually hates Con Air (although this was probably just his anger talking) and begins to basj on Davesprite when he learns that he and Jade split up. He goes outside to yell at Davesprite, who he swears he can see in the sky, and eventually just gives up, falling asleep.

When he wakes up, he awakens in a new world, one much different from the ship he had been travelling on...